Conflicts are inevitable in one’s life. In some cases conflict’s can strengthen the relationship where as in most cases it can break the relationship . So, it depends on person’s EQ i.e. depends on how a person handles it.
Suppose if there is a conflict between you and your parents. How would you react to this situation? If I were in that situation, instead of arguing I would rather hide my emotions and hear their comments even though my argument may be correct. On doing so, the conflict gets resolved rather than becoming worse. Once the conflict becomes worse the relationship may not be good. So, it is better to understand the situation and use your emotions accordingly .I personally feel that EQ is important in one’s life.
Once I had a conflict with my best friend vardu when I was twelve years old. My best friend and me, we studied in different schools and along with our other friends, we used to play cricket every weekend. One day vardu asked if we could have a friendly match between his school team and my team. So, we decided to have a match on third Saturday of February. On that day, my team arrived the ground early and it was a sunny day and we waited for my friend’s team for nearly two hours. Not even a member of the opponent’s team turned up. I got a message from my friend stating that he along with his friends have gone to their school for the sports day celebration. I thought my friend was harsh on his part as he didn’t inform me about the sport’s day. The next day when I met him,I showed my emotions and conflict arose between us and neither me nor my friend came forward to solve this conflict and it still remains unsolved. If I hadn’t showed my emotions to my friend, conflict wouldn’t have risen and we would have remained as best friends for our whole life.
Nevertheless, I had learnt from my mistakes and from now on whenever I encounter any conflict’s I make sure to understand the situation and try to resolve it and hide my emotions rather than showing it off.
Hello Santhosh!
ReplyDeleteI agree that conflicts happen every now and then. I like how you link having EQ is important in one's life and also how it helps in solving conflicts.
When it comes to having a conflict with your parents, more often than not it is very hard to "win" in your arguments. I somewhat agree with you that we need to keep our emotions in check when it comes to resolving conflicts with our parents. They are our parents after all. However, if you are right, you should try to bring your point across without making a big fuss. It is essential as communication is a two-way tunnel. One cannot just plainly take in everything.
As for the conflict between you and your best friend, I feel that it was right to bring it up. He did not take the initiative to even give you a call to inform you that the game was off. Maybe he took it in the wrong way, or you were too harsh when confronting him. At least, you made your feelings known to him for playing your entire team out. It was wrong on his part.
I feel that it was better for you to voice out your anger rather than keep it in as it might turn out to be a nagging issue the next time you meet him. However, things might have been better if both of you resolved your conflict in a better way. You might have been best friends still if done correctly.
Well, I hope things will get better between you two.
Cheers,
Qinxian
Hi Santhosh, I agree with you that we need to remain calm in times of conflict. Most of the time, we were too rash and the inevitable happened suddenly. Since you had one day to think about it, you could think of how to demand an explanation with the right expressions, tone and words.
ReplyDeleteI think that hiding our emotions cannot resolve conflicts totally as it is part of the resolution process. We know that while emotion is an important body language to help avoid misunderstanding, it is also helpful in enforcing what we explain so that others have a deeper understanding. For example, when you want to clarify with your friend, you need to show some curiosity in your facial expression when asking about why they did not turn up. If he gave an acceptable reason, you could smile and maybe ask him for another match. If not, it is your right to show him your displeasure even if he is your close friend since you have a strong reason to do so. Keeping the same expressions makes him feel that you are not too unhappy and he shall continue treating you in the same way.
In conclusion, understanding the situation is as important as using your emotions appropriately. If you still feel like patching up with him, you can probably consider what kind of expressions and words to use so that you have the best possible outcome in the next meeting with your friend.
Jian Hwee
Hi Santhosh,
ReplyDeleteInteresting post you have here; you have an interesting story and an interesting concept about how we can handle interpersonal conflicts.
True enough, if we hide our conflicting feelings from each other, conflicts would never rise. However, I feel that this concept can only be applied in certain situations.
First things first, I certainly felt that there was nothing wrong in what you have done in your scenario. If I were to be in a similar situation, I would have done the same thing. It is only natural to express my own discontentment, especially towards close friends. It happens naturally, and it’s extremely difficult to avoid.
It’s the same with parents; I felt that it’s very natural to argue with our parents from time to time. (being the usual rebellious young people we are.) Therefore, relating back to your own personal scenario, I felt that what’s done is already done, instead of thinking about how we could have avoided it, we should think about how we can salvage the situation.
From the way you wrote the story, I can see that you still regarded Vardu as your best friend. Similarly, I believed that deep down in Vardu’s heart, he still regards you as his friend. I’m sure that one day, when you guys meet, all the conflicts and differences would naturally subside.
Still I would agree with you that hiding emotions do help in certain scenarios. We should hold in our anger or frustration, pause and think about the situation, (count to ten maybe?) calm down and give it an analysis with a clear mind, before we let loose our emotions.
Cheers
Zhen Yong
Hi Santhosh,
ReplyDeleteIt’s true that conflicts happen. Different people have different ideas and different perceptions in life. In a given situation, it is a normal thing to happen that individuals will not have the same views about things.
I empathize with you. It must have been hard to lose your best friend over such kind of conflict.
While completely holding your emotions can generally let a situation just pass by, it might not be the best solution at all times. I believe that you can still show your emotion, but you have to control it to a certain extent. When misunderstandings happen, you can be honest with what you feel - that you are angry or disappointed - but this has to be shown in a diplomatic, pacified manner as opposed to having an outburst of emotion.
According to research, it is not at all healthy to keep strong emotions and feelings of grudges to oneself. Don’t hide it. If, however, there is only one option given in a particular situation and that is to ignore, then, so be it and forget about it.
Yet again, what we want to happen is to understand, settle and resolve a conflict. If we are to ignore it, we won’t be able to truly achieve a “happily ever after” ending.
Regards,
Paul
Hey Santosh,
ReplyDeleteIt was good reading your blog post. I think your right about the EQ factor on every individual. Every individual deals with problems and conflicts in his life in a different way. I agree to this fact completely that one needs to have a control over his/her emotions in order to avoid conflicts. About conflict with parents I would also prefer to listen over to them but then I will make sure that even my point is explained to them because small misunderstandings might lead one into a big one sum day.
In case of the conflict between you and your friend I would say you were right on your part to express your emotions to your friend about him not informing you but then a conflict could have been easily avoided if you would have not been that harsh and would have rather politely made him realize his mistake and the inconvenience caused to you by his behavior.
Nevertheless you learned from your mistake and still feel bad about losing your friend, which today most people don’t feel because of their never dying ego. Yet you should not just start hiding your emotions but rather learn to express them in a more efficient and polite manner that would avoid a conflict.
It was a pleasure reading your blog post.
Cheers,
Saurabh Arora